Dark Insidious Doubt

L is frustrated and dare I say it, angry with me.

What for?... My poor organisation skills and my lack of forward planning.

In my defence and it's no real defence at all but I've always been a last minute person, not because I'm one of those types who only does their best work under pressure, but because I'm in denial.

I live in a world where I'm an ostrich and if I just bury my head whatever I'm worried about, procrastinating about, delaying doing - will magically go away or someone else will deal with it for me.

I haven't always been like this, I'm not going to rehash over old issues but suffice to say a combination of events some four years ago up ended me on my backside and robed me of my confidence in myself.  

Now dark insidious doubt is my constant companion and I'm crippled by indecision at every turn.

It's not an excuse, it's an explanation however unacceptable L finds it.

There's no point denying I don't do myself any favours by NOT preparing for things in advance, yet...self doubt always sways me to denial, procrastination and fear.

Dark insidious doubt always wins over my good intentions to prepare and organise myself better.

How do I explain that?