It's been a while since I entertained you with my random yet plausible musings, life has conspired against me to chain my thoughts to less whimsical meanderings.
Without further ado and better late than never, enjoy...
Are doctors only now realising that the effects of being bullied in childhood can and do reach into adulthood?...did they need to conduct an empirical study for that?!
Are you sure there isn't a manual for women...my birds of a feather 'friends' confuse the hell out of me and increasingly of late make me ashamed to be a woman.
When is spring going to get here?
Isn't it more a case of great expectations being great assumptions? Admittedly it doesn't sound as impressive but thinking about it the latter really is more applicable. From my point of view.
Is is possible to combust with the pressure of other people's expect...assumptions?
If you're the type of person who has this 'to do' list in life is there a chance of knowing peace and the pace slowing?
Why are some emotions thought of and perceived as negative when emotions are just emotions? I only ask because of something in a university lecture on Child Development.
Will L get promoted?
Where will we moving to?
When will we be moving?
Will I have to sofa surf for the last month of this course?
Why is hindsight so bittersweet?
Will L and I get to immigrate to the States?
Why can I ignore an unopened bag of sweets or anything which is bad for me but an opened one?...Forget it, those calories are mine!
Why is it when you are giving something all that you've got and some, does someone come along and act like they're disappointed in your effort and capable of so much more?
How do you stop putting people on pedestals and thus setting yourself up for disappointment?
Why am not surprised the chocolate Easter bunny my sister got me didn't last 24 hours in my company?
What's happened to story in my head to make it so flat/
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Coming Up For Air
My Masters level assignment is done and handed in.
I have finished university for 3 weeks.
I still have a presentation, another M level assignment, 2 tests and 2 subject knowledge folders to be assessed but they seem manageable and I have 3 weeks. So I am coming up for air.
Last night I treated myself to a beer, a bath, some tv and I slept until 9am this morning.
I have finished university for 3 weeks.
I still have a presentation, another M level assignment, 2 tests and 2 subject knowledge folders to be assessed but they seem manageable and I have 3 weeks. So I am coming up for air.
Last night I treated myself to a beer, a bath, some tv and I slept until 9am this morning.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
An Update
How is the teacher training course going you ask?....well isn’t that a loaded question!
I am really enjoying it. The paper work is a bore, relentless and oh so time consuming. The children are delightful, challenging, awe inspiring and nothing short of little miracles, who have an immense amount to teach adult about strength of character, resilience and honesty.
I admit it is one hell of a roller coaster ride and here is why….
I started the course in state of panic as a last minute entry and applicant with the ink still wet on my paperwork thanks to the MOD.
My first placement saw me experience 3 weeks with a young man who was a stranger to boundaries and a sense of appropriate behaviour.
Just before Christmas the MOD reared their head and we were posted, L to start at his new unit no later than the 4th of January. As a ‘dependent’ (don’t even get me started on that one) I can only live in the house if he is with me and we can ONLY stay in this house if he remained at the unit he was in. You can’t transfer universities on a teacher training course. I was tired, stressed and numb but thought pragmatically about it and kept university informed. As suddenly as that problem arrived it went away. Thankfully.
After Christmas I was penned in to go to a second school placement which was a logistical nightmare for me to get to. I took the problem and my concerns to university and initially they were about as helpful as a chocolate fireguard, yet in the eleventh hour the course director pulled some strings and I was placed elsewhere.
At the start of my second week L was in a car accident, flipping and rolling our little Clio and completely writing it off. I didn’t leave my placement to go to his side, a decision which as weighed heavy on my conscience ever since.
Half way through placement, with an outstanding complaint against L’s CO (commanding officer) he is approached about a job up North. It’s a good job offering us three years of stability, career promotion and more money, but it’s dependent on him being promoted and we still have this complaint hanging over us. Plus, there’s always more, if he’s successful it means him moving up to start the job mid May, leaving me with the same problem of where to live to finish the course. This is still unresolved and to be continued.
The Wednesday of my last week of this placement L is 350 miles away with the army and tells me he’s unwell with stomach cramps and vomiting. I put it down to a touch of food poisoning and being so close to the end of my placement I pay it lip service. The next evening, on which I have parent’s evening and unable to answer my phone I eventually find out his appendix had ruptured the previous day unawares to all and he’s now on his way to surgery. I don’t leave my placement because I have paperwork to sign off for university and my priorities are wrong.
L arrives home sore and unable to do anything for himself, not wash himself, not put his own socks on, not get up off a sofa and with wounds that need their dressings changed twice a day. Bedding and clothing and everything he touches must be changed and washed and wiped down to avoid infection. I am trying to do a Masters level assignment and prepare for return to university. On Sunday evening I admit defeat and that I can’t cope. I haven’t slept and I know I am struggling. I email my personal tutor for a meeting.
On the Monday I am tearful but honest to my personal tutor. She feels I have a good chance of getting an extension due to extenuating circumstances and we go to see the course director. I am asked some frank questions which I answer honestly in turn: I didn’t come to them sooner because I wasn’t aware he was in such a bad way and by the time I did I was still under the illusion I could cope. Plus, I remember the course director’s words that we aren’t to ask for an extension because we won’t get it and we will thank them for it. I take his hospital admittance form with me and I lay it on the line. I tell them I am not coping and what I have to do to look after him. I admit I haven’t slept, every time he turns over or moves I wake, fearful he has opened one of his wounds again. I say, ‘he has a car accident, rolling it and writing it off and I don’t leave my placement. His appendix ruptures and I tell him I am so close to finishing my placement and need to get my paperwork signed off and don’t go to him. I ask them where my priorities are and tell them there is something wrong when I do things like that. I am sent home without knowing their decision but am asked to email over what I have done of the assignment. This I do and receive an email back more or less telling me I’ve done relatively little and they are annoyed with me, but are going to give me my extension as a favour and I am not to do it again.
So, that is how the course is going…I don’t know what to say or how to feel.
I know the course is intensive and I am almost there. I also know I’m doing really well on it, my grades aren’t fantastic admittedly but I have done really good on my last placement and everyone is singing my praises. Yet…this last episode has left a bitter taste in mouth and really disappointed me. I feel let down by university. I won’t be asking them for anything again, I’ll do things the way I usually do them: by myself.
I am really enjoying it. The paper work is a bore, relentless and oh so time consuming. The children are delightful, challenging, awe inspiring and nothing short of little miracles, who have an immense amount to teach adult about strength of character, resilience and honesty.
I admit it is one hell of a roller coaster ride and here is why….
I started the course in state of panic as a last minute entry and applicant with the ink still wet on my paperwork thanks to the MOD.
My first placement saw me experience 3 weeks with a young man who was a stranger to boundaries and a sense of appropriate behaviour.
Just before Christmas the MOD reared their head and we were posted, L to start at his new unit no later than the 4th of January. As a ‘dependent’ (don’t even get me started on that one) I can only live in the house if he is with me and we can ONLY stay in this house if he remained at the unit he was in. You can’t transfer universities on a teacher training course. I was tired, stressed and numb but thought pragmatically about it and kept university informed. As suddenly as that problem arrived it went away. Thankfully.
After Christmas I was penned in to go to a second school placement which was a logistical nightmare for me to get to. I took the problem and my concerns to university and initially they were about as helpful as a chocolate fireguard, yet in the eleventh hour the course director pulled some strings and I was placed elsewhere.
At the start of my second week L was in a car accident, flipping and rolling our little Clio and completely writing it off. I didn’t leave my placement to go to his side, a decision which as weighed heavy on my conscience ever since.
Half way through placement, with an outstanding complaint against L’s CO (commanding officer) he is approached about a job up North. It’s a good job offering us three years of stability, career promotion and more money, but it’s dependent on him being promoted and we still have this complaint hanging over us. Plus, there’s always more, if he’s successful it means him moving up to start the job mid May, leaving me with the same problem of where to live to finish the course. This is still unresolved and to be continued.
The Wednesday of my last week of this placement L is 350 miles away with the army and tells me he’s unwell with stomach cramps and vomiting. I put it down to a touch of food poisoning and being so close to the end of my placement I pay it lip service. The next evening, on which I have parent’s evening and unable to answer my phone I eventually find out his appendix had ruptured the previous day unawares to all and he’s now on his way to surgery. I don’t leave my placement because I have paperwork to sign off for university and my priorities are wrong.
L arrives home sore and unable to do anything for himself, not wash himself, not put his own socks on, not get up off a sofa and with wounds that need their dressings changed twice a day. Bedding and clothing and everything he touches must be changed and washed and wiped down to avoid infection. I am trying to do a Masters level assignment and prepare for return to university. On Sunday evening I admit defeat and that I can’t cope. I haven’t slept and I know I am struggling. I email my personal tutor for a meeting.
On the Monday I am tearful but honest to my personal tutor. She feels I have a good chance of getting an extension due to extenuating circumstances and we go to see the course director. I am asked some frank questions which I answer honestly in turn: I didn’t come to them sooner because I wasn’t aware he was in such a bad way and by the time I did I was still under the illusion I could cope. Plus, I remember the course director’s words that we aren’t to ask for an extension because we won’t get it and we will thank them for it. I take his hospital admittance form with me and I lay it on the line. I tell them I am not coping and what I have to do to look after him. I admit I haven’t slept, every time he turns over or moves I wake, fearful he has opened one of his wounds again. I say, ‘he has a car accident, rolling it and writing it off and I don’t leave my placement. His appendix ruptures and I tell him I am so close to finishing my placement and need to get my paperwork signed off and don’t go to him. I ask them where my priorities are and tell them there is something wrong when I do things like that. I am sent home without knowing their decision but am asked to email over what I have done of the assignment. This I do and receive an email back more or less telling me I’ve done relatively little and they are annoyed with me, but are going to give me my extension as a favour and I am not to do it again.
So, that is how the course is going…I don’t know what to say or how to feel.
I know the course is intensive and I am almost there. I also know I’m doing really well on it, my grades aren’t fantastic admittedly but I have done really good on my last placement and everyone is singing my praises. Yet…this last episode has left a bitter taste in mouth and really disappointed me. I feel let down by university. I won’t be asking them for anything again, I’ll do things the way I usually do them: by myself.
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