I Can't Do It All By Myself

The last week has been a week from hell....

1. I got up at 1am to drive L to work so he could leave to go to Norway. I got home at 03:30 but couldn't sleep because my sleep pattern was out of whack. Surprise. Not.

2. I lost the remainder off my weekend to insomnia and uni work. Fine. Whatever.

3. Monday I walked into a phonics test, a snotty email from the vice course director for emailing something early (yup early), a sarky message from my lovely hormonal sister about not replying to messages, a pointed message from a friend I exchange letters with & a demanding text from L both on my silence. Harassed much..moi?... Whatever gave you that idea.

4. Tuesday I was given a maths test and a telling off for not stroking the ego of the vice course director. How negligent of me.

4. Wednesday I was given a science test to take home and missed my bus, not getting home until 21:00. Cheers. No really.

5. Thursday I was reminded of our impending grades for our Story Sack, plus that we need to be thinking about applying for jobs, which I can't do because I don't know where we're going to be posted to next year. Oh in addition to spending most of the night in the dark due to power cuts. Peachy.

6. During our specialism meeting we were hit with 2 hours of statistics by two woes who had clearly NEVER been on a 'how to lecture' course. At no point did they talk to us about how we're going put the enthusiasm back into literacy for this generation, you know the whole reason we all picked English as a specialism. Are you kidding me?!

7. Friday was the longest day ever to get through and I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

What have I learnt?... I can't do it all by myself.

I can't juggle the demands of my family, the demands of this course, running a home, Christmas shopping, birthdays and supporting myself.

I can't do it all by myself.

Wednesday Wonderings

This list going to be short, my brain and imagination have taken a leave of absence. And I'm tired. Apparently blunt too. Meh.

Why do 'things' happen in 3s?

Was it fair to give us a phonics test on the first Monday of our return to uni knowing none of us got a weekend because they kept moving the goal post?

Who created PMT and why would you do that?

How many times am I going to have to tell myself 3 weeks Tash, 3 weeks Tash, to keep my sanity?

Will I ever stop wishing for more time so I can get on top of everything?

Will I ever feel like I am on top of everything?

Why don't I feel any better for having taken the night off last night?

How much more work is uni going to pile on before I spontaneously combust?

Why can I never remember the bus times for coming home from town and thus end up waiting over an hour for the next one?

Just Desserts

Its not often that I get to laugh at someone getting a good dose of their own medicine...that's not entirely true, I do but my empathy usually kicks in (much to the annoyance of the 'wicked Tash who lives in my head) and I just don't.

Mrs E, the head of the school C and I have just done our placement at, fancies him.

No wait it gets better.

The other afternoon when she was debriefing us on our teaching she was rubbing her foot down the back of his calf! Ha hahahahahahaha!

The uncomfortable look on his face as he told me was.....priceless! And yes, I did laugh my ass off unashamedly.

After weeks of a constant barrage of his sexual innuendos (don't worry I got used to it) it was hilarious to see him squirm when the shoe was on the other foot.

So I milked his discomfort and have threatened numerous times to pimp him out for good feedback.

Wednesday Wonderings

So, another week...another cold. Yup, a cold *sigh*.

Moving swiftly on, here are the things I've been mulling over in my more lucid and less snot ridden moments....

Why do they test things on rats - are we that genetically close that it's perceived as a viable study?

How did I manage to keep a straight face when Anne Boleyn was referred to as 'easy' by a 9 year old? She may well have been meaning in terms of needing to pick a Tudor to draw, but I maintain Henry VIII would have to agree considering he had her head cut off.

Is it too early to be tuning in to a radio station which only plays Christmas carols?

How excited am I to be going to a Christmas Fayre this weekend?

What makes a coma a coma and not just a really long sleep? Sleeping Beauty...coma or long sleep?

How is it possible to be this ready for Christmas break already? Roll on 14th December!

Am I the only PGCE student who is on placement with a class full of nose pickers?

Why won't children eat their veg but will eat anything that they unearth from their nose?

Does anything beat this conversation between two year four boys:
Boy one......'So did we win the First World War?'
Boy two.....'Well we're not speaking German are we?'

Cadbury Cream Eggs....yuck, why would you?

Why do women with prams think the world should give way to them?

Why can I not get warm?

Why am I so enthralled with anything magic and fantasy related?

Will I be able to stick to the promise that this course is the last stressful academic thing I am going to WILLINGLY put myself through?

To not understand the sense in people nodding sagely as they say 'it's always in the last place you look' when people are talking about something lost. Of course it is, what would be the point of continuing to look for something that you have already found?

Has anyone invented a time machine with a pause button yet? There really isn't enough hours in the day for me to achieve all that I need to.

If I open my wardrobe door will there be a world that I can escape to?

Why does tiredness = thin skin and limited tolerance?

Why are there some moments, particular events or a chain of events in your life that change everything thereafter?

Why is there never a chance to go back?

Why do I have this strange anticipatory feeling that something momentous is about to happen?

How do you boost confidence and self-esteem?

Is there a woman in this world that DOESN'T enjoy a bit of flirtatious attention?

Fear, Determination, Pride & Mother Nature

I know I've been silent for a while now and it would be fair to say you would be forgiven for thinking that it's because I've been moody (if the cap fits...). I haven't however, so ner ner. I've been on my first school placement taking registers and teaching (okay worrying, stressing and generally not getting enough sleep too, that bit never changes).

Yes teaching. You can't see me but I'm smiling.

I've only taught two lessons: one Literacy and one Maths and they have been joint taught with C but I have taught.

You've no idea how proud of myself I am. That sense of pride has nothing to do with teaching well because I am a novice and there were definite flaws, it has everything to do with fear, determination, and pride too - if I really think about it.

People make the mistake in thinking because I am articulate (and blunt) that confidence isn't an issue for me. They take my wry self deprecating sense of humour and perceive it as self assurance. I have a smart mouth and quick wit, yet that doesn't mean I was anywhere near the front of line queuing for confidence when Mother Nature was giving it out. So yes, confidence is an issue for me and I do hide behind my quick wit and smart mouth, as always it's a self preservation thing.

The point is, pretty much everything in life scares the crap out of me. That'll be the bluntness. Everything I do, everything I want to do...scares the crap out of me and makes me doubt myself in ways I would be here forever unpacking and explaining to you (think dog chasing its tail as it whines in distress).

But Mother Nature is a canny woman: she gave me determination and pride as well as fear. Everyday when my fears threaten to overwhelm me and clip my wings...determination and pride unfurl themselves and make me take that leap of faith away from my comfort zone.