That Mrs J, is What us Army Wives Call Being Debriefed!

I did it.

After my somewhat heated debate with my boss, Mrs J, my tearful melt down in my friend Mrs B's car and an email sent to Mrs C, Mrs J's boss...I went to see Mrs C.

I wasn't going to.  The things Mrs J had said I was guilty off really shook my confidence in myself and had me believing I was guilty of the things she said.  I had, more or less, lost my bottle and was just going to make something else up to talk to her about.  BUT...

Wednesday morning I arrived in work early and the teachers' staff meeting was going on, so I silently slipped myself into a quiet corner and sat down.  Mrs J came over to me to tell me K would be in isolation in the SEN department for the day owing to his bad behaviour.  I said I was aware of this and would make my way there at the start of period one.  We were both rigidly polite to each other but there was definite tension.

Just as Mrs J was leaving Mrs C called out to me and asked if I wanted to have a chat now...talk about rock and a hard place!  Obviously the coward in me started sweating buckets and having palpitations, but the feisty five foot short person syndrome in me was baying for blood and ordering me to make a stand.

And make a stand I did.  I went into her office and in ever so slightly tearful voice I laid it all out in the open for her, all the I said-she said and honestly confessed that i did descend into a heated debate.

Mrs C was fantastic she listened without judgement and at the end said very little other than basically Mrs J was guilty of professional misconduct and I was perfectly within my rights to make a formal complaint.  She did however also say making a formal complaint isn't an easy process and can be very nasty.  Mrs C left the choice in my hands and I said I'd like time to think about it and to be able to make a decision when my emotions weren't running so high, I admitted that there could be contributing factors to our fallout: the nearing the end of term, me working with a difficult child etc.

After speaking to Mrs C I felt infinitely better, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could take on the world.  I felt ten feet tall and invincible.  It was a great feeling.  I also pretty much got a standing ovation when I came back from my meeting with Mrs C from the other TAs, apparently I am the only TA who has ever stood up to Mrs J and called her to account for her behaviour.

It's a wonderful feeling and I only have one left to say: that, Mrs J is what us army wives like to call being debriefed!

If I Could Turn Back Time...

I'm so upset and I can't help but think perhaps I shouldn't have said anything at all and just let it slide.

I had a confrontation with my boss...

Today I was timetabled to support some year tens in English, however on seeing there were already two TAs present covering the statemented children I went in search of Mrs B to ascertain were I should go to be of use to others.  A year eight Science class was flagged up so off I hurried, already at least ten minutes late to the lesson.

Along the way just as I'm about to rush through a set of doors Mrs J (my boss) hails me for a chat, my shoulders sag because I'm already late and I know what she wants to talk about isn't going to quick to resolve.  Before I've even turned round she turns to the other member of staff she's talking to and says 'oh the attitude' and they both laugh.  I didn't respond and I'm not actually sure why but I'd hazard a guess that it was owing to a mixture of shock and humiliation.

I stewed about it all day and finally came to the conclusion that I needed to talk to her about it and get my feelings out in the open.

 It did not go well.  What I wanted to be a reasonable discussion between adults turned into a bit of a heated debate.  

I said I was offended by what she said and thought that it was inappropriate
She said she commented where and when it happened.
I replied that it wasn't the appropriate forum and I hadn't given her attitude.

Back and forth we went with similar comments with me adding things like if she had taken offence to my behaviour and thought it necessary to reprimand/chat then a one-to-one in a quiet place would have been more professional.

She said she could see my face in the glass and that and my body language were all attitude.  I apologised and said that was wasn't my intent and if she took it that way I was indeed sorry.

She accepted my apology.

But then came back with the comment that I had given her attitude over K before in the past!  You could have struck me down with a feather... I asked for examples and she couldn't give me any... She ushered me out of office because she had a class.  

I said that it was clearly something we needed to come back to readdress and I left for my final lesson of the day.

I spent the whole time trying to get K to stop sticking pins in another boy and chasing him around the classroom before he was removed.  I was also doubting myself wondering if I had given her attitude of if any of my actions could have been seen as attitude.

Now I can't help doubting my previous wisdom that it was the right and professional thing to do to address it with her.

I spent twenty minutes in my friend's car crying I was so upset, I honestly can't think of any time that I might have or would have given her attitude.  I don't do things like that.

I've sent an email to Mrs C (my boss's boss) to have a chat with her about it.  It's just that I don't want this to go my record and I'm worried that it might jeopardise my teaching plans.

I don't want to rock the boat, I don't want to wreck my chances of teaching but I've started this now so I have to finish it.

Passive Aggressive Liability

She had to do it! 

I knew she would which is probably why I wanted to laugh in the meeting.

For our SEN (special educational needs) children we have an annual review of their IEP (individual education plan), their targets, their progress and anything else that needs to be discussed or is a cause for concern.

We had one today for K, his legal guardian, his head of year, his transition case worker, our head of special needs and myself were present.  It is no news to anyone there that K has emotional, social and behavioural issues and that he has been misbehaving ALOT lately! He has been excluded from school at least once that I know of (I've only been supporting him for a month) and he's been in internal isolation more than once too.

Monday I was on a course - speech, language and communication - it took us over 40 minutes to get there, we only had 1 break of about 10 minutes and it went at a very quick pace.  It was intensive to say the least.  By the time we had had lunch and added travel time back to school we would have arrived half way through 6 period, so naturally we reasoned there was little to no point returning.  Obviously in hind sight that was the wrong decision to make.

The 2 other TAs who accompanied me on the course were spoken to about not returning and were advised we 'should have eaten our lunch in the car on the way back'.  I'm not even going to comment on that.  

Me however she waits to talk to until we in K's review and there are others present, plus she implies that the reason he was so bad on the Monday was because I wasn't there and hadn't returned for 6 period.  How about that?!

I don't know what is worse - that she could be that unprofessional or that I'm not even remotely surprised that she did it.

Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably mad that she deemed that precise moment: in a meeting with others, as the appropriate time and place to bring up such a grievance.  I'm angry that she is that insecure in her own role and position that she feels the need to take petty and spiteful swipes at the members of her team that make her look good. I'm angry that she is quite clearly a passive aggressive, who retreats at the slightest indication you may stand up for yourself and confront her.

I know I should feel sadness and pity for her but I don't.  I used to but now...I'm indifferent and I've no sympathy at all, as far as I'm concerned if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen....get out and stop making yourself a liability.