Hermits, Imaginary Friends and Same Differences

L tells me that I don't mix well with other children, which is his way of saying that I'm a little anti-social but I disagree - surprise! - I prefer to think of it as being choosy about whom I am friends with.

The other wives where we live often invite me out drinking and I make excuses; I have family down to visit (I did...once) 'I'm away that weekend visiting family' (this was also true...okay also only once!) 'I won't be here then, we're flying to the states on the ...' (insert whatever date - oo this ONE has been valid more than once!) 'I'd loved you but I have a cold' (I really did have one) ...and the excuses ran out. So last Friday I joined the ladies on a night out.

It wasn't a complete disaster but I wasn't particularly comfortable all night either. The 2 beers, 5 vodka and diet cokes and 4 shots helped to relax me a little but I still didn't feel at ease with these other women and here's why...

1. I was seriously under dressed in jeans, a black fitted shirt and tan healed boots compared to the other ladies . Everyone else wore slinky dresses, sky scrapper shoes, lots of black eyeliner and glam sparkly eyeshadow and false eyes lashes.

2. I do not have any children and so couldn't swap 'I'm so glad to be out and to have some time to myself away from the kids' stories.

3. I do not enjoy getting inebriated - yes I know the amount I drank would be beg to differ but...okay no buts. I drank too much.

And saving the best till last these will either make you laugh or pity me immensely...

4. I've spent the last 6-7 years being entirely focused on finding out what I want to be when I grow up and paving the road toward this...so I haven't had time to socialise and get drunk. I've been far too busy and far too focused. Besides, I did all the going out and getting incredibly drunk in my late teens and early twenties, so...well boring! Unless its with Trish.

5. I wasn't out with Trish so I wasn't relaxed, comfortable and therefore really just looking for the earliest and least obvious time that I could go home. Yes it really did take THAT long that I had to consume all those drinks!!

6. I like my own company. I'm happy to sit in and watch something on TV or happier still to get into a good book or to just hang out...Or doing what I refer to as working which is analysing books, characters, plots, and helping others write short stories.

Regardless of the amount that I had to drink one thing struck me about the conversations I had with these ladies...every one of them said they felt like they were struggling to find themselves, felt isolated and different to other wives/women. It was listening to them that made me realise that I'm not struggling to find myself any more, that I don't feel isolated and I'm not so different but just different enough as to be individual and happy with it.

I know to the outside world it can seem that if I were any more reclusive I'd be a hermit...or fall into the space dedicated to imaginary friends/wife...but I'm okay with that. More than being okay I'm happy with it and I wouldn't change a thing.