The Road to Recovery: My Miscarriage and Me

Things seem to come in waves...the grief, the anger, the disappointment, the acceptance.  Sometimes they dance with each other, spinning and twirling and taking it in turns to lead in a Tango across my psyche.

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I elected to have SMM (surgically managed miscarriage).  Miscarriage: A taboo subject or a topic fraught with emotionally motivated silences?

I'm slowly recovering from my missed miscarriage.  Physically I recovered very quickly but nothing prepared me for the emotional journey it was going to take me on.  I've moved from not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to talk at all to anyone really, to being able to tell some but only those I choose and when I choose.  From this I've learnt people judge you, 2 people have 'judged' me on electing to have SMM and all I ask is...please don't judge me.  Please don't judge anyone when it comes to dealing with a miscarriage.

My sister, T, has experienced 2 miscarriages herself and she confessed to a desire to 'write a paper about miscarriages because it is such a taboo subject'.  I'm not sure that it is a taboo subject, I think I lean more toward the notion knowing how to respond is difficult and that makes it a not talked about subject.  Everyone's experience of a miscarriage is different, both physically and emotionally, for some there is immense pain and lots of bleeding, for others no pain and lots of bleeding, for some no pain and no bleeding... It therefore stands to reason how a person processes and chooses to deal with their miscarriage is unique, is their journey to recovery.

I chose to have SMM over 'allowing my body to do what it's done naturally for thousands of years' rather than subject myself 'to the risks of uterus scarring and puncturing' to quote my sister because, simply put, I didn't have the emotional strength to go through another 2-3 weeks like the last week I'd gone through.  I just couldn't do it.

So again I ask you, please don't judge me, please don't judge anyone, on how they choose to cope with their miscarriage because in doing so what you're actually doing is judging their emotional state, something you do not have the right nor insight into their psyche to do.  It is a painful enough experience without someone weighing and measuring your response and somehow deciding it is wrong.