Me Vs. the Wii

My relationship with my Wii has deteriorated beyond fixing.

We are no longer on speaking terms and are now inhabiting different rooms – I am thumping my fingers on the key board of my laptop, my two eyebrows have become a mono-brow while it’s upstairs sulking in the bedroom.

At night we glare at each other from across the room before the light is angrily switched off and a tense silence descends.

But *heavy sigh* it wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time we spent a great deal of time enjoying each other’s company, laughing together, working out together... Now it calls me fat (every day) and I usually shout something relatively incoherent about how it’s changed and my weight never used to bother it along with a few profanities.

What’s changed for us to have got to this point of stalemate? Well I decided I was going to take part in race for life this year. ‘Start small Natasha’ I told myself, ‘Don’t be over ambitious but you can do this’. So I signed up, from the comfort of my sofa of course.

I run already but infrequently. I know it’s not an excuse but it bores me after about 5 minutes. I’ve tried listening to music, my singing scares the birds and I’m not particularly aware of my surroundings at the best of times so me with earphones in and cars, or any moving vehicle... is really just asking for trouble.

I’m not a gym bunny either. I really don’t see why I should pay someone else to torture me when I can do it perfectly well myself – for free – at home, therefore forgoing the need to inflict the vision of me red faced, laces undone, panting for breath and singing (tunelessly) on the public. Besides, I find it nauseating how everyone else there spends most of the time looking at themselves and taking themselves far too seriously. I only have to look at my reflection in the mirror while I’m on the running machine and I start laughing, thus resulting in co-ordination taking leave of me shortly followed by some unsuspecting passer by having to pick me up on the floor. I've never pretended to be able to multitask.

Hubby bought me Cardio Boxing for the Wii and this is where all the problems between me and it started. I work out, on average, every day for about an hour. Jabbing, squatting, upper cutting, hooking, weaving, with press ups, ab crunches and running on the spot thrown in – its an amazement that we haven’t lost our front room light fixtures with me doing all that ... ahem bouncing around up there.

And STILL it tells me I’ve gained weight!!! Can you believe it?! So yes, I do think I am completely justified in hurling profanities at it while throwing my remote down and stalking from the room. I know I have a Masters in English Literature and therefore should possess an adequate vocabulary to make the need for use of foul four letter words redundant ... but, okay there’s no but - I should know better!! *Another heavy and heartfelt sigh with head hung in shame*

Today I’ve foregone the pleasure of exchanging insults with the Wii in favour of going for a run (who am I kidding) jog later with a friend.