Day 10 Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn’t Know

I gave this one a great deal of thought and initially was finding it difficult to think of some one that I could hate with such intense passion that I would genuinely and sincerely feel better erasing from my memory and life.

But I am a woman who listens to her instincts, which is the same as saying the voice that quietly and confidently tells me the truth, and so I heard a name whispered inside. His name is...not important - I want to name and shame him but instead I'm going exercise a restraint he doesn't deserve and let his actions speak for themselves.

After my mum split with my dad she soon found a new partner, hindsight makes me think it was too soon but mum would be the better judge of her heart and not I. In the beginning all seemed to be going well, however as time passed her new partner became more selfish and more demanding, he couldn't understand a mother putting her children before her partner. He resented her putting us first, he resented the closeness of the relationship she shared with her sister, he resented her need and desire for independence and so the pouring of poisonous words begun. He slowly but surely undermined all confidence she possessed in herself and her capabilities. He systematically destroyed any belief she had in herself and robbed her of all her pride in her successes or achievements. Phrases such as 'you can't do ...' and 'why would you want to when it isn't possible' and 'I don't believe you're capable' and 'you're not doing ... right' and 'no I won't do ... with you' and 'I won't help you' and 'I didn't know what I was doing it was the drink' and 'I don't remember' became tragically common place for mum.

He wanted control, he wanted to be the centre of her world and he would stop at nothing to chase away all rivals for her time, attention and affection, including her family and children.

Eventually mum realised their relationship had gone as far as it could, more importantly it had gone as far as she wanted it to and so she told him it was over and asked him to leave. He refused and merely moved in to the spare room. We sought legal advice and followed it - putting her request for him to leave in writing, approaching his daughters and asking for their help in what was proving to be a difficult situation. None of it worked. His daughters didn't want to get involved and he refused to let go. He wanted them to seek help for their relationship, he would make her change her mind, he would change - an empty promise heard dozens of times before - he was going to sue his company for the breakdown of their relationship, and how could she do this to him when he loved her.

Things came to a head when he returned home from work one afternoon to find mum going through bed linen and dividing it up, when he realised what she was doing he turned nasty. So he did what all desperate volatile low life scum do - he physically lashed out at her and hit her.

The rest of the details aren't significant and what I've condensed down to a few paragraphs actually took place over months. He made our lives miserable for months purely because he couldn't and wouldn't accept their relationship was over. As much I can...understand - and I do because I know he was that in love with my mum, that desperate to cling to her and change her mind he lost all ability to reason - I don't accept his behaviour and also find a great deal of fault with what he did in the name of love. I've said it before and I'll say it again love is just as destructive as it is nurturing.

So, if there is one person I can think of that I wish I had never met and never had the misfortune to know it would be him, not for the person he is but for his actions.