Anger

Everything makes me angry at the moment, literally everything.

I've screamed at an old woman driving because she lacked the awareness to see I was waiting on a pedestrian crossing to cross the road.  She didn't hear me so apparently she's deaf as well as blind.

I honked my car horn at a couple driving - first they pulled out on me causing me to have to break sharply, then later on down the road they indicated and pulled in last minute but didn't pull in properly so caused me to have to swerve round them.  Apparently Kellogs are giving out licences in their boxes of bran flakes.

Unhelpful and insensitive words of wisdom.  3 separate people have said, "You'll just have to keep trying" like we're talking about reaching the next level on a game or solving a mathematical sum.  Not to sit on the fence here but that advice is about as comforting and useful as titts on a fish.

People telling me what it's okay to feel - EVERYTHING I feel is OKAY to feel but thanks for the validation.

People judging me on how I am or am not dealing with this, everyone is entitled to their opinion just as I'm entitled to say you can stick your judgement where the sun don't shine.

The new series of Girls...utter vomit inducing drivel.  The characters' incessant narcissistic whining is, I hope, complete fiction, surely no one in reality can be that egotistical.

Fighting the company the military have outsourced housing to over getting our pet dander infested and piss stained carpets changed. It seems we have very different understanding of what an "acceptable standard" is, theirs is scraping the bottom of the hygiene barrel and mine is not having to take two antihistamines a day in addition to apologising to every guest we have.

Not being a able to move on and have closure. I'm still bleeding and no one can tell me how long this is going to last, psychologically this is a torturous reminder of the fact I carried my baby for four weeks while it had already died. My womb was a birth grave.

I'm Not Ignoring You...I'm Just Not Listening!

I should be writing my lesson plan but I'm not (obviously). This is not me rebelling like I usually do, throwing up two fingers to responsibility and authority, or whatever it is that I am rebelling against when I do my petulant rebellion thin. No this is me saying to myself 'you need to take a night off Tash'.

Why?...

An ear infection in each ear is why.

Yup. Can you believe it - BOTH ears!

While it is great to finally have real 'selective hearing' and to be able to ignore people when I choose to, I am finding it incredibly hard to resist the temptation to scratch at my ears the way dogs do. You know that look they get when the seem to be really enjoying scratching that itch...one eye is closed in sheer bless...torture. That thought is pure torture because there is nothing more that I liked to do than get my little finger right inside my ear and scratch.

Which also makes me think that perhaps I need an Elizabeth collar...to stop myself from scratching, not because I want to make some weird fashion statement.

On a serious note I'm in pain, I can feel the throbbing all the way down the side of my neck and most mornings it is nearly impossible to open my mouth wide enough to get the tooth brush in there to brush my teeth. That could also be considered a blessing to some, if I can't open my mouth to brush my teeth I won't be opening it to answer people back. Huh, maybe I could learn sigh language...