Dear Ann,
Wow. I am utterly stunned that you are gone. I can't believe that I am never going to see you again, it all feels...surreal, like a bad dream that if I just shake myself or tell myself to wake up I can free myself from it. I wish it were so. I feel at a total loss, like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me. I'm struggling to understand what your absence means to me and so many others.
There is an ache in the centre of my chest knowing I am never going to see your smiling face again, or hear the infectious sound of your laughter, or feel awed by the wealth of your knowledge and the extent of your kindness. You have always been my fountain of knowledge, the one person I knew who I could turn to for academic guidance and help with my research - your assistance with my Masters dissertation was invaluable, without you I wouldn't have known where to start.
I have never known a woman as kind, generous, forgiving, self-sacrificing and as amazing as you. I feel honoured and privileged to have known you and to have been so warmly accepted in to your intimate circle of family and friends. When I think of you I remember you playfully flicking water at us from the birdbath in your garden, I remember your mouthwatering mashed patoto, I remember you taking Luke and I to the Hollywood Bowl to experience the Tchaikovsky Spectacular with Fireworks in August (which was awesome), I remember you hosting my birthday dinner, I remember the generous wedding gift Dick and yourself gave Luke and I...when I think of you happy memories clamour for attention and I smile.
The loss of you has touched me deeply and I grieve for the space in my life that you once filled. The world is already a much darker, colder and unfriendly place without you in it.
Ann, you have been and will always be loved, envied, regarded as intensely inspiring and you will be sorely missed. Thank you for the love, laughter and happiness that you gave me in the time that I knew you. To know you is to love you and I miss you already.
May you rest in peace Ann Clare Smisek and know we will do the best that we can to be there for those that will miss you most - your loving family.
Love you, love me.
Natasha
